New Blog!

    In the last several months, I have found my hobby in making Amigurumi animals (crochet stuffed animals) I love sharing my creations, and thought it best to create a new blog with that as the focus.  So without further ado, check out my crafting blog! http://heartofacraftymom.blogspot.com/
    So far I only have my old posts, but keep checking, I will be adding some more posts soon!

Baby Binky Dragons

    So time has sorta whizzed by, and I realized I never updated our adventures with the binky dragons.  After our fun time rescuing the girls binkies from the binky dragons (story here), I found the girls randomly playing swords and dragons for weeks! During this time I worked hard on making a pair of baby binky dragons for the girls. I made a green dragon and of course pink dragon using a pattern by Stephanie of All About Ami (pattern found here ). I added my own touches, crocheting pieces that she used felt for.  I figured the felt wouldn't hold up with their rough play.

    I couldn't wait to give them their little baby binky dragons, but I wanted to do it in a fun way.  I found my plastic Easter eggs (a pink and a green one) and hid them in plain sight for the girls.  We played Binky Dragon's and chased the dragon's away, I then asked if they could see something in the mirror.  Confused they asked me why there were colored eggs up there.  The only conclusion was obvious.  The Binky Dragons had giving us a peace offering.  I explained to the girls that the eggs were not ready yet (I was still finishing the last touches to my amigurumis).  I told them to build a nest for the eggs, so they could stay nice and warm while they get ready to hatch.

They found a doll blanket and a Christmas tin and put the eggs inside.  we but them up high like a nest in a tree, and waited...  about every hour or two they checked... It was an extra pressure to get them done! Finally I had them finished and set up the "hatching".  I excitedly told the girls to come downstairs and this is what they saw:

    The Girls have been sleeping with their Baby Binky Dragons ever since.  And it has become one of their favorite toys, and one of my favorite memories.  The girls have figured out how to get to the spatulas and wooden spoons themselves.  It is now normal to find the play area with a few "swords" as evidence of their dragon adventures. 

Grieving Time Lost

 

   I was thinking about things I miss today...  Tomorrow is the 8th anniversary of my mom's death. The wound of her being gone is healed, but just like when cold weather can suddenly aggravate an old wound,  So does memories aggravate old emotional wounds.  Have you ever had a moment, where you smell, hear, touch something... and it brings you straight to a old memory? Sometimes, I'll be walking in the mall, and someone will brush past me, and I'm hit with the memory of my mom. Simply because they were wearing my mom's perfume.  My mom wore Love Spell, which is a rather popular fragrance.  Some times I don't know if that is a good thing or bad.  I actually have a bottle of her perfume, but I never seem able to wear it.  The passing fragrance is all I can handle.  The emotions I feel are almost indescribable.  Like the thrill and terror at the top of a roller coaster.  It brings in all the devastation of her lose, along with a hope that maybe that was her.  Your heart soars in hope, and your head stabs it back down.
    I was thinking of sounds I miss.  the tap of a typewriter (yes i'm that old... my mom taught me how to type on a typewriter), The hum and rumble of a Jacuzzi (I was blessed to grow up with one, and I had all my best conversations with my mom there), Her voice, Her laugh, her singing... The rusty slice of the paper cutter.  My mom was a Stampin Up demonstrator, she loved to scrap book and make cards.  She would spend hours in the cold living room slicing and stamping away.  I resented all that time she took for that hobby.  She so desperately wanted me to like stamping, but I just didn't enjoy it.
    I wish I had been into crocheting back then... when I'm creating a new amigurumi, I always think of her, what her suggestions would be, her reactions to the finished product... I'm pretty sure she would make me make her one of everything.  Most of all, I think about how I wish I was working in that cold living room, sitting by her stamping stuff, and just chatting.
    God has blessed me with awesome woman of faith.  I appreciate every last one of them.  But there will always be something about a mother's love, that can never be replaced. I am blessed with two beautiful girls that I can love just as much as my mom loved me.  I treasure that, in the way of someone who truly knows the value of a mother's love, and the emptiness once it is lost.
    Every year marks another year of loss.  For this year, I grieve that my mom missed out on my girls forming a sisterly relationship.  I grieve that she wont make Esther a pink birthday card, that she isn't a part of my crocheting amigurumi (even if only a cheerleader), I grieve the loss of her counsel while I deal with uncontrollably hyper children, her laughing over binky dragons and raw eggs on carpets.  But I grieve for myself, for I know where she is, is far better.  Far better than I can imagine or comprehend.  The lost time on earth is but a breath compared to the time I will have with her in heaven.  For my grieve on earth is temporary, my hope is eternal.  One day I will see her again, and it will be all joy, my heart will soar and nothing will destroy it.  Oh for that beautiful gift that God has giving us.  What beautiful hope.  

Revalation 21:4 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14 "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."

Otis the Otter

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The Tale of the Binky Dragons

     It had been a long day with the girls.  I felt as if I could blow up with anger and give an epic speech that they would understand about 2% of.  It was bed time, and with much effort, the girls were clean and in PJ's.  Of course the excuses start coming... at the moment they were emotionally whining about how they didn't know where there binkies (pacifers) had disappeared to.  I felt my frustration and speech build up.... took a deep breath and redirected it to my imagination...
    I gasp loudly, "I think I know what has happened to your binkies!" The girls are alarmed by my sudden change from broody and grumpy mom, to sparkly eyed and mischief mom; they respond with blank faces.  I continue, "The binky dragons took them!"  Confused, they now can't decide if they should cry over this news, or become excited.  "We must defeat the dragons and rescue your binkies! come on!"  I race to the kitchen, as the girls hesitantly follow; unsure of this scary adventure. My husband rolls his eyes and sits back to watch my shenanigans.  I grab three spatulas out of my kitchen drawer, "Here, these are our swords. We need these to slay the dragons." This finally got them excited.  Their blank expressions now burst into gleeful smiles, and giggles.  We race to the bathroom (I knew Esther had left her binky at the sink).  "Careful" I warned them, "binky dragons are invisible." They nod in complete understanding.  while they were not looking at me, I turned on the shower. "It's a water breathing dragon!" I yell, quickly wielding my spatula, and stabbing it at the water.  The girls giggle and shout as we stab at invisible dragons. "We got it! look, here is Esther's binky! Another dragon must have Bethany's." The girls nod in serious agreement.  We travel carefully around the house, and make our way downstairs.  Bethany bravely steps ahead of me, looking to rescue her binky from the dragon.  She finds her binky and bends over to pick it up. "Watch out Bethie!" Esther and I charge forward to protect Bethany from the Invisible dragon, who had lured Bethany so close.  "I got it!" Esther yells, "It's flying away!" We pretend to watch it fly upstairs.  "Lets get it!" Esther says as she charges up the stairs.
    We didn't catch up to the dragon, and we are convinced it will come back someday; but that night, we had saved the binkies, and my girls had been so brave and courageous.  They went to bed with a smile, and both asked if we could always play dragons for bed.  It sorta blew me away that I could have yelled at the girls for whining and sent them to bed feeling grumpy and annoyed. Instead, I let my imagination take over, and created a amazing memory we all will cherish.

I heard a rumor that Binky dragon babies are not born Invisible... I'm thinking we might catch a couple on our next adventure... TO BE CONTINUED

Amigurumi Woodland Critters

 This post has moved, find it here!

**** UPDATE****

  Woodland Critters are now on sale! (HERE)

Crochet: DIY Creeper Slouchie hat

This post has been moved, find it here!

Diapers: Disposable vs. Cloth

    It is a popular debate, disposable vs. cloth.  I personally chose disposable for my first child and up to two years with my second.  My only reason for disposable, was the 'ick' factor of cloth.  The idea of having to scrap and rinse the poop off was very... off putting.  Then the time came for potty training my oldest daughter... and I found myself scraping and rinsing poop off of thin underwear.  So I asked myself, why not try cloth?

    So I began my research.  I talked to my cousin, why had recently switched to cloth, and my friend who has always used cloth for her two girls.  I researched on Pinterest, and found blogs of cloth diaper-ers... it was all very overwhelming.  In the end, I decided to just dive in.  I ordered my Sunbaby's (12 for $90), and while waiting for them to arrive, I borrowed some diapers from my friend.  

    I have been cloth diapering for only 4 months now.  As a newby I thought I would give my pros and cons of disposable and cloth... 

Price: Disposable diapers were costing us around $40 a month (target brand).  Cloth diapers cost us $90 for 12, which means within three months, we are saving $40 dollars a month on our overall expenses.  Some people debate that you spend more on your water bill, having to wash all those diapers.  We wash them every other day and have not seen an increase in our water bill at all.  We are planning on having two more children, in which case, we will be saving that $40 a month for lets say 5 years... savings = $2,400 (and that is just a very rough estimate). Oh ya, and when you are all done with your cloth diaper stash, you can sell them. 

Convenience: Disposables are so convenient on outings and vacations.  Cloth diapers are difficult for long trips if you cannot do laundry (unless you have enough diapers), and having to haul the diapers around (dirty and clean) is rather difficult.  For example, here is a picture of 9 disposables and 9 cloth.  The cloth takes up a lot more suitcase space. 

The one convenience of cloth is using them at home.  where the diaper pail can stink up a room, cloth diapers can be rinsed right away to avoid any odor.  However, having to wash them is a bit of an inconvenience.  

Environment: Disposables go straight to the landfill... Cloth can be used from newborn to 35-37 pounds.  Plus when you are all done with your cloth diapers, you can resell them or donate them!

Looks: I actually like the cute dots of the target diapers, but compared to my Sunbabys... No one can deny that cloth diapers are adorable.  They give your kids the cutest fluffy butt, and the prints are so cute! Even my daughter loves to ask for her favorite diaper (the monkey one) 

Health: I settled on the Target brand diapers, because my oldest daughter would get rashes in almost all other brands.  Occasionally, both my girls would get rashes, but nothing to bad. And I just dealt with it.  Once I switched to cloth diapers, I have not seen any rashes.  When we went to visit my family for the weekend, we brought some target diapers for convenience.  Within 24 hours my daughter had a bad rash.  I then experimented with switching from cloth to disposable for a few weeks.  Every time, she got a rash, even though she had been in target diapers since birth! 

Care: Disposables are a one time use.  You throw them away and that's that.  Cloth has to be taking care of, to prolong their life.  A basic care routine would be, to scrap any dirty diapers into toilet (normal healthy toddler poop makes this easy, It basically rolls off the diaper and only leaves some skid marks.  Loose stool is simply no fun, and is when a sprayer connected to your toilet is handy.  I resorted to dunking the diaper in the toilet to get it sorta rinsed.), throw them in your washer and do a pre rinse with cold water.  After the pre rinse, add a TBSP of approved cloth diaper friendly laundry detergent.  Set Washer to a Hot and then Cold wash setting.  Do one more Rinse cycle.  Hang dry the diapers, and machine dry inserts (without any dryer sheets!).  I like to then stuff my dry diapers and have them waiting for me, when I need them. 

Brand: As I had mentioned before, most disposables gave my girls rashes, and even Target brand gave me some issues.  I loved Target also for the fit.  I rarely had blow outs unless it was time to go up a size.  There are so many choices for cloth diapers.  Not only in brand, but in style.  My personal favorite has been my Sunbabys with a bamboo/microfiber insert.  These are called pocket diapers, as you stuff the insert in a pocket.  

    Another type of cloth diaper is called the Flip diaper.  These can be convenient since only the insert is exposed, and so the actual diaper could possibly be reused.  

    A third type of diaper that I have used is the typical cloth diaper.  The type that was probably used on our parents.

All in all, my personal choice is to use both.  Most of the time, I use my Sunbaby's. Although, when I know I'm going to be out and about for a long time, or any overnight trips, It is very helpful to use some disposables.  Ultimately, we still are saving money, being more environmentally friendly, and keeping my darling's bum mostly rash free.  

Five Years

Five years ago, I was busy taking my engagement photos.  Now, I'm busy sewing hair accessories for my two girls Halloween costumes! It blows my mind how fast this half a decade has gone.  Thanks to my good friend, Skyler Glass (https://www.facebook.com/ttlookingglassphotography), I was able to recreate some of our engagement photos.  As exciting as my engagement was, especially only a few months before the wedding, nothing compares to the fullness I have with my girls.  I look forward to our next photo shoot in 5 years...

Just One Grape - The Power of Consequences

     This is a story I wrote out in my English 101 class, as a Sophomore at PBU (now Cairn University).  It is a true story, and one that I remember rather clearly! It was a shaping moment in my life.

    As a young child, I had an obsession over grapes, I loved them and would choose them over candy, if given the choice.  The one day I was grocery shopping with my parents and older brother.  I disliked shopping and was rather bitter to be in the store.  I was following my mother closely when I saw the grape stand.  They had my favorite colored ones, the green kind, and I was so excited of the possibility to get some.  During this time, my family was rather poor, and fruit was a rare treat.  I begged my mom to buy some green grapes for me, but she claimed not to have enough money to buy them and everything else she needed.  After hearing her, I became even more better to be stuck in the store.  As we moved on I noticed a lone green grape that had rolled free of the bags, and had come to a rest right at the edge of the stand.  The lone grape was just in reach of my little greedy fingers. With a sly smile I took the grape and put in in the pocket of my jacket.
     Once we were done shopping, we headed home in our maroon van.  I was all the way in the back seat, with my brother in the middle row, and my parents in front.  I sat there with my precious grape and contemplated the perfect time to pop the grape into my mouth.  I only had one grape so I wanted to make sure I would enjoy the tasty morsel.  As I sat there debating when to eat my little green grape, my older brother turned around and saw what I held in my hand.  "Give me one!" He whispered harshly.  I pleaded with him, "No! I only have one!" With that JJ turned around in his seat and announced to my parents, "MOM! DAD! Kristy has a g grape!" My parents were silent for what felt like eternity.  Then my Dad calmly asked me where I had gotten my precious treasure.  I confessed my sin slowly and painfully.
     Once we arrived home, my father turned to me and said, "go to your room, I will be there in a second." This of course meant that a spanking by a leather belt was on the way.  I went to my room crying out for Jesus to come back quickly, but God thought it better that I reap the consequence for my sin.  A moment later, my father arrived and I had my spanking, which was painful as usual. As my dad gave me a reassuring hug, I was relieved that the punishment was over.  But my punishment was far from over... Turning to me with the green grape in his hand, my father asked me, "You know what we have to do now? We are going back to the store and you are going to apologize for stealing this grape."
     That was the longest drive I have ever been on... We arrived at the grocery store, and sought out a manager.  I will never forget the confused look on the ladies face, as I handed her that single lousy grape.  Nor will I forget the question she asked me, "So... are you ever going to steal again?" I turned to her with a tear stained face, wishing nothing more but to sink into the floor, and sobbed out "NO!!!"  And you know what? I kept my word.

***     I know there are a lot of opinions on spanking, and 'shaming' your kids as discipline.  My parents had a very loving approach to spanking, they never hit me in anger, I was never afraid of them.  spanking was not just an action, but a discussion.  I learned that I would always have a consequence for my actions, and as in this case, those consequences would eventually be out in the real world, not the privacy of my home.  Spanking taught me to think before acting, not out of fear but out of respect for others.

Purpose

Romans 8:26-2(NKJV)

26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us[a] with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

    What is MY purpose here? It is a question that most people find themselves asking, at one point or another.  If you were to read my personal journal, you would even find that it is the theme throughout.  We all want to have a purpose, something that fills our soul, and makes us proud.  What happens when someone cannot find their purpose? In my experience: depression, anxiety, anger, guilt...  Without the Holy Spirit, it would have been deafening, defeating, despairing, destructive... But amid my wordless pain, I have an intercessor.  He has lifted me up when I should have sunk to the bottom.  The Holy Spirit whispers to our hearts where no person could ever reach.  And when we can't find the words to pray... He intercedes for us with wordless groanings. That is beautiful. 
   That brings me back to MY purpose.  Notice verse 28, "...called according to HIS purpose." What if, I've been asking the wrong question.  What if everyone is asking the wrong question.  What if OUR purpose will always fall short of what our hearts long for.  And what if that is because the question really is, "What is HIS purpose".  How does that change how we should live our lives? I suppose it should change a great deal... 
   So with HIS purpose in mind, and not OUR purpose; How does that change your parenting, your job, your hobbies, your ministry... redefine these things as His portion to us... His talents that He has blessed us with (Matthew 25:14-30). It isn't about Your, It is about following HIS example.  What a gift the Bible is to us, so that we can pour over it and learn about HIS examples.  What a gift the Holy Spirit is, to hear and comprehend our wordless pain, who can guide our broken hearts back to God (over and over and over again).  We have an amazing God, who knitted us together (Psalm 139), who knows us intimately in a way no human can ever imagine.  I am in Awe of His power and glory and grace. May I only live for HIS purpose. 

Unbelievable Faithfulness, to a Lump of Clay

     Have you ever failed God? I have, hundreds of times! Isn't it amazing that God remains faithful to us? That He is extraordinarily patient and gracious to us? That no matter how many times we fail Him, He will never fail us!?  We really are so blessed to have a God like Him.  The last 6 months, God has been revealing this to me in a personal way.  You know the story of Job? ya... I think I sorta know how Job felt as God revealed His awesomeness and power... It shuts you up real quick! 

    I little bit ago, I decided I was sick and tired of all the skin-deep relationships I had... So I decided to let my self be transparent, to everyone... It felt so awesome to not put any walls up, to be me... all of me.  That quickly led to me realizing how sinful I really am.  Somehow, I had hid myself from myself.  Then I noticed that people really didn't appreciate my transparency at all. In fact, some people walked away once they saw what I really looked like.  

    I can not explain to you how much this hurt! Not being accepted for who I am is a confirmation of how worthless I believe myself to be.  God let me hit bottom.  He took me to a desert of solitude, and it was only there, that I could hear Him whispering to my heart.  God was faithful, He was just molding me.  Taking my ugly form, and reshaping it into what He could see.  

    I'm currently being reshaped.  It is a long and hard process, but a change that will stay in me.  I'm being moved from an immature faith, to an ever growing one.  This change will never end until i'm in Heaven.  But how wonderful is that thought? that instead of God quickly molding us and then putting us on a shelf to be seen; He intimately works on us constantly.  Perhaps that is the mistake I so often make; believing my relationship with God puts Him and I on equal terms; but in reality, I'm a lump of clay and God is the master artist.  If only we could remain content in his working hands; and not seek to control our lives.  For what can a lump of clay really control? Thank you God for your faithfulness and love to me, because if you ever were to give up on me, I'd be a lump of clay on the floor; utterly useless. 

The Day Before

    The day before is always the hardest for me.  Tomorrow marks the seventh anniversary of my mom's death; but today marks the anniversary of my last chance to talk to her.  Today, seven years ago, was a Monday.  Sunday I noticed I had a voicemail, It was mom checking in, she said she missed me and hoped to hear from me soon.  I made a mental note to call her back and deleted the message.  Monday came and went, and I never called her back.  Oh I regret this so much! I was so wrapped up in my college experience, Spring break was around the corner... I thought I had all the time in the world.  But that was my last day to talk to her.  My last chance to say I love you... I missed it.
    At my mom's viewing, I was reminded how much my mom missed my phone calls.  In a horrible moment, one of my mom's coworkers burst into tears and asked me, "why didn't you call her? why didn't you call her more?".  I doubt that woman ever knew how much that moment tore my heart.  It was the moment that I suddenly felt all the guilt.  I missed the opportunity to tell her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her, how much I looked up to her, how proud I am to be her daughter.
    As painful as that experience was, and still is.  It is a reminder to not miss opportunities again.  I pray often that God will open my eyes to His whispered leading... whether it is to smile at the homeless, to pray for someone that pops into my head, talk about Jesus to my daughters... whatever, I pray I will always have the courage to "do the next best thing" that God leads me too (one of my Mother-in-laws beautiful and difficult quotes).
   

Mirrored

     Have you ever had that moment, where you catch yourself saying something or doing something, and you think... "wow that is totally something my mom would do."? You know what is even more terrifying? When something your child does or says reminds you of yourself... like, the ugly side of yourself.  Recently this has been happening a lot with Esther.  It really is like looking at a mirror all day.  Most of it makes me smile and its cute... but sometimes, it is horrifying.  It is a humbling experience, and one I hope I don't forget soon; but most of all I hope I can learn from it.  When your looking in a mirror you can see the stray hair, or smudge of dirt and you can fix it.  I pray that I will react in the same way when I see my reflection in Esther.

Embrace the Mess

     It's been ten weeks and two days since we moved into our new home.  It has been the most stressful, and emotional journey I have ever tackled.  I've had to balance a "normal" routine, unpack, renovate, and maintain a house; all the while dealing with two toddlers.  They are professional mess makers, and manage to make more disasters, than I can make improvements.  This crazy winter has not helped... and the girls have been sick the whole month of January and still counting.  But I have a roof over my head, food in my pantry, a husband who comes home every day, and two girls who love me.  I'm a blessed woman, and I guess i'm just learning to embrace the mess.

Moving

    So today My little family and I, are moving into our first house! We are so blessed to be able to buy our first home.  I'm as equally excited about the community we are moving into. Though Harrisburg has been such a perfect place for us, Lancaster has always felt like home; and now it is!   I will miss my walk, but now I get to find a new one.  I'm so excited to be back in Grace Baptist Church's community, and look forward to working on new friendships.  The stress of moving (with two toddlers) has been exhausting, and the frantic renovations on our home have taking up all our free time; but I couldn't be more happier.  It feels like we are finally standing on our own two feet.  Something about owning our very own house, is such a grown up feeling.  Pray that the girls transition smoothly, and that our possessions stay mostly intact during the move.  So excited to see what God has in store for me, and my family; in Lancaster.

two toddlers, twice the fun

    So My little Bethany is not so much a baby anymore... she has her first tooth, she is walking, climbing, talking (hi), wrestling with her sister, helping put away toys during clean up, displaying her emotions... she is becoming her own little person so fast! Esther was over a year old when she started reaching most of these milestones.  It's so exciting to watch the two of them develop a relationship.  They clash at times, but for the most part they get along like two peas in a pod.  They jump on the couch together, read books together, terrorize the cat and dog together... It is keeping me busy that's for sure! But I still love every moment of it! Even in the frustrating moments... I take a deep breath and look at the positive; Yes Esther got out all my Stampin up stamps, but she was busy telling me what each of them were! And its annoying when Bethany finds the computer button and shuts it down, or even worse the power strip switch and turns all the electronics off, or yes its annoying that I can't play my guitar without Bethany trying to strum the strings, but she loves the music, and is learning to appreciate it early on.  Or the fact that as I was writing that last sentence, Bethany was climbing the stairs and I had to run to get the baby gate up... or as I was writing that she managed to get my guitar to fall on top of her and I had to rescue her... lol!
  Oh they keep you on your toes alright!  

Being a Happy Walker

    So I have continually been forcing myself to pack the girls and Jasmine up and go for a three mile walk, everyday that the weather is good.  Once I'm walking, I'm so happy that I got out; but the actual getting out the door is always a dreaded task.  The more regular I've gotten on my walks, for more people seem to recognize me. The other day a man on his bike said, "You're out again? keep it up!" Its amazing how encouraging and complete stranger can be! One of the most common comments I get while walking is, "my, you've got your hands full!".  My response to this has become, "Yes, and I'm loving every moment of it!".  I have to admit, there are times when I am not particularly fond of the 'moment'.  Like in the midst of Esther's numerous tantrums, or trying to feed Bethany her medication for her ear infection... But I know that it's only a matter of time that I will love those moments.  When they are just memories, and I can laugh about the crazy things Esther would throw a tantrum over, or how funny Bethany's faces were when she tasted the medication.  I will love every moment of it, and I will keep saying it to remind myself.
    I have a goal to smile, wave, say hi... something to every person I walk by.  Who knows, maybe I can change someones life.  So many people I walk by, have such little hope.  many of them are homeless.  They look at their feet with an emptiness, and a sag in their shoulders as if the world sat on them.  As I draw near, they glance up.  They catch a glimpse of my girls, and suddenly a smile sneaks across their faces. I light sparks in their eyes, they have for one moment, forgotten their pain and heartache.  For that moment, I will walk as often as I can.  Who would have imagined that something as small as a stroll in the park, would be used as such a ministry for God?

Here I Am

    I've been in such a strange place emotionally.  On one hand, I'm content to let God lead, and take my family wherever He leads.  Yet, I have this picture in my head of what God's plan should look like.  I'm terrified my mental picture is wrong, and I'm going to be disappointed.
     I believe God, please help my unbelief.  Let me fully and truly give myself and my family over to you.  Search me and know my heart, try me and know my anxieties.  See if there be any sinful way in me.  Here I am Lord; Please use us for your plan.

Just Around the River Bend

Last Sunday, Mark and I, took the girls on a walk along the Susquehanna River.  It was gorgeous! the trees had blossoms and leaves, and the flowers were boldly showing their delicate faces.  The buildings along the river are from the 1800's, full of character and romance.  The sun shone bright and warm, it was truly a simple joy to be outside.
    I hope to start taking the girls there more often.  The River is about a mile drive from our house, so I hope to take the girls and start walking.  I am starting to find happiness here in Harrisburg. Being happy in where we are now, and stop always looking to the next step in life.  I love how God's creation brings happiness. Where simple sunshine and the smell of flowers, brings you to a state of mind that just breaths contentment and childlike whimsy