I little bit ago, I decided I was sick and tired of all the skin-deep relationships I had... So I decided to let my self be transparent, to everyone... It felt so awesome to not put any walls up, to be me... all of me. That quickly led to me realizing how sinful I really am. Somehow, I had hid myself from myself. Then I noticed that people really didn't appreciate my transparency at all. In fact, some people walked away once they saw what I really looked like.
I can not explain to you how much this hurt! Not being accepted for who I am is a confirmation of how worthless I believe myself to be. God let me hit bottom. He took me to a desert of solitude, and it was only there, that I could hear Him whispering to my heart. God was faithful, He was just molding me. Taking my ugly form, and reshaping it into what He could see.
I'm currently being reshaped. It is a long and hard process, but a change that will stay in me. I'm being moved from an immature faith, to an ever growing one. This change will never end until i'm in Heaven. But how wonderful is that thought? that instead of God quickly molding us and then putting us on a shelf to be seen; He intimately works on us constantly. Perhaps that is the mistake I so often make; believing my relationship with God puts Him and I on equal terms; but in reality, I'm a lump of clay and God is the master artist. If only we could remain content in his working hands; and not seek to control our lives. For what can a lump of clay really control? Thank you God for your faithfulness and love to me, because if you ever were to give up on me, I'd be a lump of clay on the floor; utterly useless.
