Moving

    So today My little family and I, are moving into our first house! We are so blessed to be able to buy our first home.  I'm as equally excited about the community we are moving into. Though Harrisburg has been such a perfect place for us, Lancaster has always felt like home; and now it is!   I will miss my walk, but now I get to find a new one.  I'm so excited to be back in Grace Baptist Church's community, and look forward to working on new friendships.  The stress of moving (with two toddlers) has been exhausting, and the frantic renovations on our home have taking up all our free time; but I couldn't be more happier.  It feels like we are finally standing on our own two feet.  Something about owning our very own house, is such a grown up feeling.  Pray that the girls transition smoothly, and that our possessions stay mostly intact during the move.  So excited to see what God has in store for me, and my family; in Lancaster.

two toddlers, twice the fun

    So My little Bethany is not so much a baby anymore... she has her first tooth, she is walking, climbing, talking (hi), wrestling with her sister, helping put away toys during clean up, displaying her emotions... she is becoming her own little person so fast! Esther was over a year old when she started reaching most of these milestones.  It's so exciting to watch the two of them develop a relationship.  They clash at times, but for the most part they get along like two peas in a pod.  They jump on the couch together, read books together, terrorize the cat and dog together... It is keeping me busy that's for sure! But I still love every moment of it! Even in the frustrating moments... I take a deep breath and look at the positive; Yes Esther got out all my Stampin up stamps, but she was busy telling me what each of them were! And its annoying when Bethany finds the computer button and shuts it down, or even worse the power strip switch and turns all the electronics off, or yes its annoying that I can't play my guitar without Bethany trying to strum the strings, but she loves the music, and is learning to appreciate it early on.  Or the fact that as I was writing that last sentence, Bethany was climbing the stairs and I had to run to get the baby gate up... or as I was writing that she managed to get my guitar to fall on top of her and I had to rescue her... lol!
  Oh they keep you on your toes alright!  

Being a Happy Walker

    So I have continually been forcing myself to pack the girls and Jasmine up and go for a three mile walk, everyday that the weather is good.  Once I'm walking, I'm so happy that I got out; but the actual getting out the door is always a dreaded task.  The more regular I've gotten on my walks, for more people seem to recognize me. The other day a man on his bike said, "You're out again? keep it up!" Its amazing how encouraging and complete stranger can be! One of the most common comments I get while walking is, "my, you've got your hands full!".  My response to this has become, "Yes, and I'm loving every moment of it!".  I have to admit, there are times when I am not particularly fond of the 'moment'.  Like in the midst of Esther's numerous tantrums, or trying to feed Bethany her medication for her ear infection... But I know that it's only a matter of time that I will love those moments.  When they are just memories, and I can laugh about the crazy things Esther would throw a tantrum over, or how funny Bethany's faces were when she tasted the medication.  I will love every moment of it, and I will keep saying it to remind myself.
    I have a goal to smile, wave, say hi... something to every person I walk by.  Who knows, maybe I can change someones life.  So many people I walk by, have such little hope.  many of them are homeless.  They look at their feet with an emptiness, and a sag in their shoulders as if the world sat on them.  As I draw near, they glance up.  They catch a glimpse of my girls, and suddenly a smile sneaks across their faces. I light sparks in their eyes, they have for one moment, forgotten their pain and heartache.  For that moment, I will walk as often as I can.  Who would have imagined that something as small as a stroll in the park, would be used as such a ministry for God?

Here I Am

    I've been in such a strange place emotionally.  On one hand, I'm content to let God lead, and take my family wherever He leads.  Yet, I have this picture in my head of what God's plan should look like.  I'm terrified my mental picture is wrong, and I'm going to be disappointed.
     I believe God, please help my unbelief.  Let me fully and truly give myself and my family over to you.  Search me and know my heart, try me and know my anxieties.  See if there be any sinful way in me.  Here I am Lord; Please use us for your plan.

Just Around the River Bend

Last Sunday, Mark and I, took the girls on a walk along the Susquehanna River.  It was gorgeous! the trees had blossoms and leaves, and the flowers were boldly showing their delicate faces.  The buildings along the river are from the 1800's, full of character and romance.  The sun shone bright and warm, it was truly a simple joy to be outside.
    I hope to start taking the girls there more often.  The River is about a mile drive from our house, so I hope to take the girls and start walking.  I am starting to find happiness here in Harrisburg. Being happy in where we are now, and stop always looking to the next step in life.  I love how God's creation brings happiness. Where simple sunshine and the smell of flowers, brings you to a state of mind that just breaths contentment and childlike whimsy 

Deciding on Happiness

     Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you? or maybe missed the last step on a flight of stairs? that feeling inside is so specific.  Yesterday I had that happen to me, not physically, but mentally.  

     It's been a long road to where me and Mark are now.  It has taking many leaps of faith, and tons of stress.  And just when it seemed God was giving Mark his dream job, and putting us in a perfect environment for me and the girls... well lets just say it feels like a door just got slammed in our faces.  

     It is so hard to recover as you watch a dream float away from reach.  You just have to take a deep breath and plow forward. And that is what I want to talk about.  choosing to be happy.  Happiness is not something you can buy; and even when you find it, that doesn't mean it will stay around.   Happiness is a choice, a daily decision to be content with what you have and to be happy with what is giving to you.  That being said, it is a DAILY DECISION! It will always be a battle, a daily choice to have the right state of mind.  There are going to be days when it is going to be harder than others.  Like when you were up most of the night with a restless baby, or when you wake up with a headache... oh the list goes on.  But I am finding happiness comes a lot easier; when you have a childlike faith, and trust that God knows what He is doing with everything that is happening in my family's life.  So instead of getting angry, or arguing with God.  I'm going to make the decision, for today at least, to lean on God and trust him.  And to be happy for everything He has already blessed me and my family with! 

Roasted Veggie and Sausage Stew

     It's been a bit since I last posted.  I can't seem to find enough time to think, let alone write down and post.  The terrible twos are here, and my seven month old just figured out how to crawl.  I'm one busy mama!
     So I came up with my own recipe! completely made it up! I'm so proud of myself.  So I had never roasted vegetables before, so I decided to be adventurist!

ROASTING
*set your oven on broil.
* cut cauliflower into small florets, and chunks. toss them with some olive oil and lay them on a pan with tinfoil.
* Rub down three or four tomatoes with olive oil and place them on a pan, as well as some peppers of your choice (I like to use one orange pepper and one poblano pepper).
* take some whole garlic, cut off the end and place on tinfoil.  Drizzle with Olive oil and crinkle the tinfoil up so the garlic is not exposed.
*throw the pans in the oven for 35-45 minutes, turning the peppers half way through (the peppers should turn black)
* when removing the peppers, place them immediately into a sealed container or zip lock bag to steam for ten minutes.  After ten minutes, peel off the black skin.

ROASTED VEGGIE AND SAUSAGE STEW
*Throw roasted veggies and a sprig of fresh thyme, into a blender and blend to desired texture, throw into a soup pan.
*brown some sausage in a large skillet, after browned, add a onion and fresh mushrooms.
*After the onion and mushrooms are soft and sausage is nice and browned, add an ounce or two of red wine simmer until the wine is almost gone, then add to the soup pan along with two to four cups of chicken stock.
*salt and pepper to taste, and let simmer for 20 minutes and serve!

So This is the Terrible Twos Huh?

     So today I was feeding the girls lunch.  Esther had a PB&J, a cheese stick, and a big green smoothie.  Bethany was having green beans for the first time.  Bethany was visibly loving every bite, which meant Esther needed to try some. However, after trying the green beans, she was unimpressed.  So she got down and picked out a different jar of baby food and handed it to me.  Calmly I said, "that's ok, we already have a jar, and you can share that one with Bethany." To which erupted a huge and loud tantrum... Welcome to the terrible twos Kristy...
      It's hilarious and at the same time rage inducing to parent these tantrums.  From the fake falls for cuddles, to the world ending screams for raisins; it's tough to know how to best proceed.  I guess I'll take it tantrum by tantrum, and love as much as I can.  Man it's tough being the adult all the time! lol

Is it Holy?

     Boy did Sunday's message hit home for me! I know the Holy Spirit is whispering to my heart, when I start taking notes outside of the pastor's preaching.  The message was based on Ephesians 5:1-20, talking about how, as Christians, we are called to be imitators of God. Go ahead and take five minutes and read it! did you know that only 16% of Christians read their bibles daily? and the average Christian has four bibles per household? Read your Bible people! it is one of the ways God speaks to us.
     This is a hard passage to digest.  As God's holy people, we are called to not even have a HINT of sexual immorality, impurity, or greed, no obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking.  What hit me, is that all of these things are in PG13 movies.  If i'm not to even hint of these things, should I be watching them?  Movies have a way of creeping into our lives.  As Christians, should we be guarding our eyes and ears more carefully? I find it ironic that the Church originally condemned movies, and was criticized for being so closed minded.  However, now movies have become more crude, sexual, and violent then anyone could have thought.
      As Christians, we are to have our lives full of thanksgiving, to be lights in the dark, producing all goodness, righteousness, truth, know and do what pleases the LORD.  The question is, what do I need to change in my life to produce these things? Colossians 1:32 calls us to be beyond reproach.  I Thessalonians 4:7-8 tells us that if we reject the instruction to live pure lives, we reject God! and God warns us in Revelation 2:4-5, through His warning to the Church of Ephesians, that if they (we) didn't make God their center, He would take away their (our) ability to shine in the world (Kristy's paraphrase).
     We are called to live wisely, make the most of every opportunity, to understand God's will, and be filled with the Spirit, and Worship God.  If my life does not reflect these things, how can I expect to be a godly role model to my children? If my job is to be a light to my children, what do I need to do in my own heart to shine the brightest? I have a lot to wrestle through, sometimes we forget that we need to hold ourselves to higher standards than the world.  In all my actions, I should be asking myself, not "is this ok?" or "is this right or wrong?" but "is this (it) holy?".

Six Years

     Six years ago, I was sitting in class in Cable, Wisconsin.  During a break, I logged into AIM (It WAS six years ago...) and saw my mom was online.  However, it was actually my dad, trying desperately to get a hold of me. He asked me to call him.  I walked to my dorm room and sat in my bed.  I knew in my heart, something was wrong.  I had butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat.  putting on a brave face, I called home.
    My dad brokenly told me, "Kristy, Mom was in a car accident... she didn't make it." my heart dashed instantly to pieces.  "what?" I shakily responded.  It wasn't a question, but a verbal response to the sudden finality to it all.  No goodbye, no last phone conversation, no last smile, no last "I love you".  It was the end of my childhood.  "Kristy, go outside and find someone, anyone! please." I faintly realized I was now on the ground and screaming in pure emotional pain. I blindly ran outside and into the arms of a fellow classmate.
    It is amazing how, during a crisis, time slows down.  Its as if you are both reeling from it and having a out of body experience at the same time.  I remember screaming at Seth, incapable of any sort of calm explanation, trying to explain that my Mom was gone.  At the same time, I was inwardly noticing his response, that he looked scared and completely caught off guard.  Next moment, He was gone, trying to get me help.  The pain blurred everything around me, I vaguely remember my roomates asking me, frantically, whats wrong?
    It was snowing.  that absolute quietness was smothering me.  My life was being sucked out of me, like the scene straight from Princess Bride, I screamed. "listen, do you hear? That is the sound of
ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father. The Man in Black makes it now." That scene is the best way I can explain that moment.  My heart could not bare the pain, and so I screamed, it was the only way I could let go of the pain.  I faced the sky and screamed a inhuman cry.
    Suddenly, In the midst of my cry.  strong arms engulfed me, I felt the strong body start shaking with sobs right along with me.  Utter Christ like comfort was all around me.

            "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 

You discern my going out and my lying down;

    you are familiar with all my ways.

 

Before a word is on my tongue

    you, Lord, know it completely.

 

You hem me in behind and before,

    and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too lofty for me to attain.

 

    Where can I flee from your presence? 

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 

even there your hand will guide me,

    your right hand will hold me fast.

 

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

 

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you."

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

 

even there your hand will guide me,

    your right hand will hold me fast.

 

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

    and the light become night around me,”

 

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

    the night will shine like the day,

    for darkness is as light to you.  Where can I go from your Spirit?"

     It was Mark, my future husband, who was God's angel to me in that moment.  His comfort brought me out of the blinding pain, and back to a place where I could begin my grief journey.  Somehow, I made it into the Library, where one by one, my fellow class mates came in and sat with me.  No words were said, just a quiet peace, a mutual sadness.  It was amazingly comforting, and to this day a powerful memory.  As I got ready to fly home, all my classmates wrote me letters.  I still have every single one, and cherish them.  God blessed me with a flight home that day, along with a ticket for Mark to go with me.  

     The flight was the nicest I have ever been on.  It was practically empty, and the whole flight was first class.  Each seat could of fit two people, and they brought me milk and warm chocolate chip cookies! As tears streamed down my face, and marveled out loud how wonderful this flight was.  It was so surreal.  We arrived at the Philly airport, where Karen and Julie Brubaker picked us up to drive us home.  When I arrived Home the finality hit me again.  She was not there to greet me at the door.  Or in her stamping room making cards.  She was gone.

    The viewing and funeral was a whirl wind of people and cards, love and pain.  It has been six years of slow healing, and immeasurable love from God through people and scripture.  I now have two beautiful daughters, my Mother's grandchildren.  They will not meet her in this world, but they will know her spirit through my memories.  I pray that I can be half the woman and mother she was to me.  

     Mom, I love and miss you so much! I look forward to the day we can run to each other with a long hug and loving kiss.  Your loving Daughter, Kristy

Energy Bar Recipe

     For the last month or so, I have been enjoying homemade energy bars for breakfast.  I discovered the recipe idea on Dr Oz, and adjusted the recipe to what I enjoy.  I'm amazed by how much energy I have from the morning to late afternoon! and it is the perfect treat when I crave something sweet, but without cheating on my diet. 

    Energy Bars
*1 cup of oats
*1/4 cup shredded coconut
*1/2 cup of Raisins and/or chopped nuts (I love peanuts and almonds)
*1/2 peanut butter
*1/3 cup of Honey
*1 tsp of Vanilla
*1 tbs of unsweetened coco
*dash of Cinnamon

Mix well and then flatten onto a cookie sheet to desired thickness.  Refrigerate for a few hours or over night. cut into bars and wrap them up individually in cling wrap.

These are so easy for the on the go mom! No preservatives and 100% healthy for you. Enjoy!

Perspective

    Next Wednesday marks six years, since my mom died.  Every year, this painful anniversary, is unavoidable.  It forces me to face the void in my life, but it also reminds me of the people God has giving me to fill in that void.  Though I am ever grateful for them, nothing comes close to a mothers love.  I knew this before I became a mother myself; but now with two children, I am repeatedly and at times painfully reminded.

    Though every year has been painful, this year has been bitterly painful.  Six years ago, I knew who I was, and I was happy.  When Mom died, I lost my way.  I pushed away all my friends, gained weight, and ignored God.  Since then, I have graduated college, married, moved three times, and had two children.  That is a lot of changes in such a short amount of time, and I have lost my self.  This blog is my search for contentment in what I have.  I am so tired of feeling sorry for my self, and envying everyone else.  I have a wonderful life, and I should be nothing but happy and content.
    I have a lot to work on, but I am on the path to where I want to be.  I'm putting more effort into my friends, and I have lost over ten pounds! But most importantly I am falling in love with God, and taking notice to all the small blessings He has giving me, and that I have been ignoring.
   I can not do this on my own.  I rely on God to help me become a better person.  And I rely on my friends and family to pray for me daily! I miss my Mom so much, but instead of dwelling on my depression, I want to live a life that she would be proud of! Not just the things I do, but my attitude in doing them.  

Nailed it!

Have you seen those Pintrest posts? Like this one: 

I wanted to make Mark a perfect Valentine dinner and dessert.  I worked on it for two days! Dinner went off almost perfect! Dessert not so much... This is what it was supposed to look like:

And this is what Mine looked like: 

At least I have proof that it tasted amazing!

A Purpose

     So I have been thinking about starting a blog for a while now.  So here it is! The Art of Being a Happy Housewife is not about what I am, but my journey to get there.  One of my biggest struggles with being a at home mom, wife, and housewife; is the lack of touching other peoples lives.  Growing up, I always thought I would travel the world, have an awesome fulfilling job, and be this awesome person that reached many lives.  

     God has made giving me the hardest job I could have ever imagined for myself.  Raising two daughters to love God.  It is the scariest job that I know I will fail at times; but it is also the most rewarding and perfect job for me.  

    So this is a window into my heart, as I struggle through learning to be happy, and to be fulfilled in God, as a Housewife.